i'm still here.

Whoops, my blog domain expired for a hot second (thanks, Vest for alerting me)! I am still here, just crazy busy as I try to explore Manhattan/Long Island while also battling this cold that will not go away. What I've done so far:

• Watched Henry Cavill in Man of Steel. I seriously just want him to fly over here, push me against the wall, and... well, let me just stop there before I can't type anymore. OMG, I don't even have any commentary about the movie because I was too busy staring at his beautiful face, amazing chest hair, and sexy physique. Everything about that man is perfect. MY BODY IS READY, MR. CAVILL - come and get it! 
• Saw fireworks with my friends! Jammerz organized a lovely firework outing in Queens, complete with food, friends, and alcohol (sadly, I wasn't drinking). It was so nice to be outside without a jacket at night. How I've missed summer nights!
• Hung out with my old teammates. We had a yummy Italian dinner followed by drinks at this really cool rum bar in the East Village. It was so nice to drink again and catch up with them. I really miss NYC sometimes! Why can't I spend 6 months here and 6 months in SF?
• Beached it with Slindy. I got a little more color and got to lay out on a proper beach. Couldn't ask for more!
• Already fought with my mother. We are currently circling each other like cats waiting to pounce. We'll see how it all goes down, but this visit has *not* been good for fam time.

That's about it! More to come, but I'm exhausted!

amazingly fun week.

This past week was our team's offsite, hence my radio silence. I also got some nasty head cold at the end of it that I'm still battling through, so bear with me as I write this in a medicine haze. The retreat was at Carmel Valley Ranch, which is truly, truly beautiful. I've stayed there before, but I'm constantly amazed at how nice the property is. The weather was gorgeous and it was a nice getaway. Work has been hard for me lately. Not because of what I have to do (the events I'm on now are running really smoothly and I'm not concerned), but because of our team structure and where I feel like I fit in. We spent a lot of the time discussing a reorganization of the team and how we can best utilize our skills. I'm really hoping some good change comes out of it because I need to mix it up a bit.

We also had some fun activities - a scavenger hunt (my team won because we are AWESOME) and a cooking challenge (we also won again because I always pick a winning team). Being sick was kind of cool because I got to be sober and it is so much fun watching our team drunk. From one of our team leads trying to poach me - "Do you like reporting to {my manager's name}? How would you like to report to ME!" to my good frien A asking me 5 million times what white elephant gift I got and swearing profusely while talking to our director and her 1 year old baby, it was awesome. We learned a lot about each other and it was the perfect mix of fun and productivity. I loved it.

Now I'm back home and I have literally 12 hours before my flight to New York. In that time I have to (a) get my bridesmaid dress (b) run errands (c) pack and (d) go to a Birthday BBQ for one of my friends. I need to get the hustle on, but I am happy that I slept a lot last night. No one wants to be sick on a red eye!

european adventure!

I have booked all of my flights to Europe this October. Shit is getting real. I can't believe I'm actually taking a month off of work. It feels so decadent and crazy! I'm going to Scotland for a week, then Italy for two weeks, and then capping it off with a resort stay in Cyprus. I'm realllly excited and also a little terrified. I've never traveled alone to a foreign land before. My parents couldn't really afford to travel internationally with four kids, so I don't much travel experience. I'm used to living in cities and I'm pretty savvy, so I think I can hold my own, but solo black female traveling is still scary. Luckily, they speak English in Scotland!

Of course, I have goals for this little adventure. I definitely want to flirt (and maybe more) with hot European men. An Italian fling sounds like the most amazing thing ever. I also want to disconnect from work and just relax. Read, write, be alone with my own thoughts. I am really looking forward to the prospect of some serious alone time, just getting to know myself again and not answering emails at all crazy hours of the day. I'm going to put a cap on that shit for sure. I don't think I'm even going to bring a laptop (!!!!), just my tablet and a smartphone.

This is one of my life goals, so I'm really happy I'm getting a chance to actually achieve it. Thanks, [insert name of birth control pill that almost killed me]! You've just paid for my vacay!

dancedancedance!

I had a ridiculous amount of fun last night, and I was pleasantly surprised. Vest and I decided we wanted to shake things up a bit and have fun. I found this dance club, Raven Bar, that seemed like a good spot and it actually turned out to be amazing. The drinks were super delicious - I had something with jalapeño and another absinthe drink - and the music was ON POINT. I don't think I've been that satisfied with a DJ's playlist ever. I want that person to DJ my wedding. Seriously. It was really nice going out with my friends and having a good time. I'm trying to spend this summer doing more things that make me happy, with the people that make me happy.

The crowd at Raven was meh. There were only two guys I found attractive - one was a guy working there (super cute, tall black hottie!) and the other was this white guy who was wearing a hoodie *and* a jacket at the club. Jesus, men in SF... cannot handle it. He was cute, though. We danced for a little bit, but we were both super awkward about it, so I didn't even really say anything to him. Just dancing and then *poof* - I left to go rejoin my friends. I am a huge ball of awkward hot mess. I need to get that under control. 

Up this week - our team offsite. Which means I'll be out of pocket for most of the week. Then, it's NEW YORK for 2 weeks. Super excited!

it is 9:45pm and i'm *still* hungover.

Jesus take the wheel. I don't know what happened last night, but I am paying dearly for it today. I was so hungover I left work at 3:45pm. My head is still throbbing - hopefully this aspirin I took kicks in soon. I don't normally go drinking on a school night, but AP invited me out at the ungodly hour of 9:30pm (I was like - "Don't you know I'm 67 years old! Can't we meet at 5?") for drinking on Polk Street. I adore AP because she's super fun, bubbly, and likes to go out. She's dragging me out of my old lady lifestyle, kicking and screaming. I mean, I'm 27 and single - I need to be doing something with my time besides getting drunk at home alone and watching Pretty Little Liars (not that I intend to stop doing those things, just less frequently).

We hit up this new bar called Bitters, Bock & Rye. Great food! Amazing cocktail menu! Super sweet bartender! I highly recommend. Between the two of us, we had every drink on the menu and I had an amazing brisket sandwich with mac and cheese. I'm black, so mac and cheese is a big deal for me - most white people (in my humble opinion) do not make it correctly. The only non-black person whose mac and cheese I'll eat is MB's because she makes it the way my mom does. This place is a new exception - that shit was amazing! Hats off to them. After talking to some randos in the bar (homeboy was CUTE but was talking about how hot David Beckham is so he may not have been straight) and doing shots with the bartender (he made me something yummy with kahlua in it!), we moved on to Blur, where I promptly fell in platonic love with their bartender. A Southern boy with a sarcastic wit! You never see that. Plus, I love people who are a little snarky, especially when they are serving me alcohol. A drink and a shot of Jameson with the bartender later and I was ready to go home.

My cab driver looked like Santa, but I liked him. He was fiesty and got me home very quickly. I promptly tumbled into bed and had a ridiculous conversation with Vest. One day, I want to make a book of all of my late night drunken convos with Vest. I think they would be very amusing. Passed out and then woke up today to a pounding headache. Work was BRUTAL today. I had to go out and get a burrito just to make it through. I need to never drink on a school night again. On the bright side, though - AP has agreed to go to Aces with me to watch Yankees games. Yay! 

And now, I'm going to chug water like it's my mothereffing job! Then Pretty Little Liars and House of Cards! TV, FTW! 

feeling a bit homesick.

I kind of miss New York. Not in that 'I want to move back there and live forever and ever amen' way, but more like 'I want to be surrounded by things and people that are familiar to me' way. I love San Francisco and California - it is truly beautiful, the weather is amazing, and there is so much to see and do. I like the unfamiliar feel of it - how everything is new to me and I still have a long list of experiences I want to have. Yet, recently, I've been longing for a New York kind of life.

I miss hot summer nights, where I don't have to wear a jacket. I miss driving around Long Island, cruising down DPA with my windows down and my music up. I even miss the presence of my parents. There's something really comforting about knowing they are close, while still being independent and not living with them. The subway - oh, God, the subway! Nothing compares to public transportation in NYC. At least nothing in the United States. I miss the way New Yorkers say Florida, orange, horrible, and Mario. Sigh. I don't know where this is all coming from - I'm very happy in SF and I have no real desire to move, but I still have this strange pull towards New York. It's almost like no matter how long I  live here, I will always feel as though my true home is New York.

I'm going to New York for ~2 weeks starting this weekend. I cannot wait! It's going to be so much fun to hang out with my friends, do Long Island/NYC shit, and be far away from the chilly SF summers. Maybe that'll be just what I need to get over this wave of homesickness that has seemed to take over my soul lately. I certainly hope so.

weekend shitshow.

My event is over and I am so freaking happy! I spent Friday volunteering (pulling weeds and watering plants... it was hell, lol) and then had a midday three martini lunch with the work girls in the Marina. After that, came home and talked to my mom for two hours. I finally saw The Great Gatsby! It was okay - I liked some of the actors (I now have a huge crush on Joel Edgerton and need to see Warrior) and I loved how pretty the visuals were. I'm in an F. Scott Fitzgerald phase right now; I'm reading a bio on his wife Zelda, and I just started re-reading The Beautiful and the Damned, so it was nice to see a movie about those times.

Yesterday was a hot mess, so I am clearly not doing anything today. Brunching at Absinthe was awesome, so were the three drinks we all had there. Then Vest thought it would be a brilliant idea to get wine at the wine bar next store. A bottle and a glass later, I was exhausted. I love how I always make these grand plans when I'm drunk - dancing at Madrone! Yay! Then when I woke up hungover at 8pm, I was like FUCK EVERYTHING, I just want to eat a lot of carbs and lie prone in my bed in the dark. Which is essentially what I did. Pizza, TV, laying in bed on the computer. Excellent Saturday night. I think the main characteristic of my adulthood is that I get drunk in the middle of the day and then spend my nights inside. Iyanla, fix my life!

Today, I'm trying to motivate myself to grab some brunch solo at Parada 22 and go book shopping at Booksmith. We'll see how far I get. So far, I'm still in bed, but at least I'm sitting up. I took tomorrow off, so I will be pampering myself with a mani/pedi and a morning movie. Not a bad Monday!

just one more day.

All I have to do is get through tomorrow. That's all and then I'm done with events for a month and a half! My next one is in July and the one after that in September. I'm really, truly looking forward to a nice, long break. My body and spirit are so goddamned tired. Even right now, I can barely stay awake and it's only 9pm.

In other news, I'm going to do it! I'm taking my solo month to explore Europe; it's what I need to feel human and centered again. I've let too many other obligations bog me down. October is going to be my month to connect with myself again. I really cannot wait. One week in Scotland, two weeks in Italy, closing out with a week in Cyprus. So amazing!

Now, I try not to fall asleep because I have a million things to do for work.

adventures in okcupid.

You all know I like to experiment and try things, but I have been going off the rails lately with my online dating. I kind of find it amusing because I'm not letting it rule my life. I used to obsess and stress about men all the time - are they writing me? Calling me? Taking me out? I feel a lot more zen about it these days and it's helped me open my mind to new experiences and also to play around a little bit. A week and a half ago, I hooked up with a hot construction worker and it was kind of amazing. Everything about his dick was perfect and it was nice to have a little no-strings-attached, 'I don't want to be your girlfriend' fling. I was hoping it would turn into an FWB thing, but that doesn't seem to be in the cards and I'm okay with it.

I've also started to get a little obsessed with men with muscles and hot bodies. I'm kind of ashamed. I'm usually not very shallow in that way, but I'm really enjoying feeling sexually attracted to men right now, without looking at personality. I've never really felt an initial strong, sexual attraction to anyone I've dated seriously. Most of the men I've dated, I was kind of 'meh' about them when we first met, from a physical standpoint. Obviously, that changed as things progressed. I mean, TOJ - I still get hot thinking about him because he was really amazing and forceful in bed and that was exciting. Even Tech Guy (god, that seems like FOREVER ago) - he knew my body really well and I was young and hot for him ALL THE TIME. It's not like I've never known desire. It's just that I've never had that OMG YOU ARE SO HOT THAT I JUST WANT TO LOOK AT YOU BEING HOT AND NAKED AND MUSCLEY IN MY APARTMENT feeling. So I enjoy that, even if I know there's no future in it.

Alos, girls who look like me don't have sex with men who look like male models. At least not on the regular. I feel othered all the time for a variety of reasons. I'm black, and while I believe that black women are phenomenally beautiful, society isn't exactly reinforcing that. I also rock my natural, kinky curly fro 100% of the time. I don't have weave down to my waist and my hair is short. If you asked me if I thought gaining weight or chopping off my hair made me feel less attractive, I would say hair hands down. Then, there's the fact that I've gained like 30 pounds since I graduated from college. Not fun. I mean, I love my ass and my tits, but I would love to get back down to where I used to be. So every time I fuck a guy who would make most women turn their heads, I secretly think to myself "YES - plus-sized black girls with short naturals can get it, too!" So I don't like to turn down those opportunities if I can get them. I do wonder when I'll go back to being my normal self, though. Maybe soon. Maybe not =) In the meantime, I'm enjoying switching it up. More on that tomorrow.

work dramzzzz.

I love love love my job. It's frustrating and crazy, but I love the fast pace and the excitement of all of it. I get to do really cool shit on a regular basis and I want whatever job I get into to have some component of event planning as a major part of it. It's really a fun world to be in. That said, I hate interpersonal, political work drama. I can't stand it and of course, I'm smack in the middle of it right now. I just got promoted (yay!) and now I have a manager title, which means I should be managing my own events. I'm doing that and it's awesome, but I'm also reporting to another manager and not to a team lead. Normally, I'd be all down for that, but my manager has recently been a little crazy and I am at the point where I just can't handle it anymore.

I feel like we have a divergence of values and she's been alienating a lot of people on the team and I don't like it. The cherry on this is that she invited a girl that I cannot stand (and that she KNOWS I cannot stand) to staff one of our events in July. I mean, I get that she doesn't have to ask my permission to do things, but when you know that your direct report cannot get along with another employee, you should monitor that situation. Instead, she just fucking steamrolled through it and offhandedly mentioned it when we were walking back from a meeting. NOT COOL. I know that she had to invite this girl, because no one else will work for her anymore because she's been evil to everyone, but a little consideration would have been nice.

Anyway, I need to start talking to my superiors. I have a long list of grievances - her behavior towards others, her taking credit for other people's ideas, and the fact that I think I'm ready to report to a team lead like a big girl. I have a meeting tomorrow and then one next week. I want to start taking control of my career and this is a good step 1.

adventures in speed dating.

Last week, a couple of friends and I went speed dating. It was truly the most exhausting evening I've had in a long time! Not to say that it wasn't fun - I like talking, so it was cool to meet 14 new guys. Plus, there were 21 girls, so we got to have breaks throughout the evening. However, it was super late and not well-run, so we were there til 11:30pm or so. We managed to get a ride from one of the guys (it's okay - he works at our company) to end the night.

I will say that introducing yourself to 14 people and having what is essentially a mini-interview each time can be tedious. Some guys were really nice and it was easy to click with them and have a great conversation. Other guys, it was like pulling teeth. There was the personal trainer from Mexico City who really had nothing to say. I kept trying to drag info out of him, but it was like talking to a wall. Then, there are the folks that just ask awkward or inappropriate questions. One of my favorites was the guy who asked me to guess his ethnicity (I said Argentinian... WRONG, he was from Italy). I felt like it really put me on the spot. Then there was another guy who after I told him that California was different from New York, decided to say "Yeah. There really aren't any blacks in San Francisco." I was mortified and didn't really know how to react to that one. I could really write a blog just on the inappropriate things that happen when you start interacially dating, but I'll leave that alone for now. He was Asian, so I was not quite as put off as I would have been if a white guy had said it, but it was still jarring.

We got our matches 48 hours later and I had two people. One was the guy who had driven us all home (he actually picked all us) and the other was a guy from Austin that I found really nice and intriguing (he also picked all of my friends). Seems like the three of us attracted a lot of the same types of people. We did all hear from Mr. Austin. He sent us the following group email:

Subject: Let's Connect
Hello Ladies,
This is Tim #10! from the speed thing this past Tuesday.
It was pleasure meeting all three of you and it sounds like you are all working in some interesting spaces.  
I'm so glad that you decided to connect with me.  Let's grab a drink next week and keep talking!

Ummm, I don't go speed dating for networking opportunities. Also, homeboy couldn't even be bothered to send three separate emails. I mean, get the fuck out. So yeah... experiment unsuccessful, but it was amusing.