requested post: psychic update!

Little Gremlin requested that I post about my visit to the psychic, so I'm actually being good and doing it before I forget! Anyway, at this point I feel like my psychic is part-therapist, part-mother figure, part-clairvoyant. She's super amazing and such a warm person. I made this little list of things to talk about, but what it all ended up boiling down to was work and love - the two great themes of my adult life.

She basically told me that work is going to be a shit-show for the next 8 months. She said there's lots of upheaval at a higher level in my organization and that there is so much change that will come down the pipeline. She predicted tons of role changes and said that while I'll be safe and will have a job when it's all through, I most likely won't be working on what I'm currently working on. She said there will be some really difficult moments, but that it will all work out in the end for me. Not going to lie, I've kind of been worried about what is going to go down in my team and in the larger organization as a whole, so this discussion did not make me feel any better, but at least she sees a positive outcome in the end.

Then we talked about love. She raked POP through the coals for all the bullshit he put me through. She suggests ignoring him should we ever cross paths. She says I'm still hurting from the loss, regardless of whether or not I know it. I think there's truth in that. I don't know why, but the breakup with POP was so difficult for me. It wasn't like we even dated for that long, but I think the relationship represented so much hope for me and when he ended it and then never spoke to me again, it was really hard for me to cope. I'm still kind of angry about it. I think if I saw him in the street I'd want to punch him. I guess anger is better than pining.

She then told me that I would have a new relationship in my life, but it wouldn't start until the fall. She says it would be a lasting relationship, one where I finally get treated the way I deserve. She said I would be completely smitten and that he would feel the same about me and would make no bones about telling me so. She said it would be a life-changing relationship and would resolve all my fears about being alone. She described him as tall, black teddy bear type. I know that history hasn't indicated this, but in my soul, in the core of my being, I've always thought I would marry a black man. She couldn't see anything about his education, but that he would be able to make a living. She saw some delay in marriage due to location issues, so she says he might not live where I do. She saw Chicago or the midwest. According to her, we would meet at some venue with drinking and dancing, but not a bar - something like a wedding or an event. Makes sense given my line of work. It's a nice dream =)

Other than that, we just talked about my pattern in relationships and how I need to get the confidence to demand to be treated the way I deserve. She advised me to spend this year doing fun things, hanging out with friends, and just doing what I enjoy - not worrying about relationships. I think I'm going to take that advice to heart.

fun with psychics, part 2.

I am posting this for Joel, who keeps nagging me via gChat. Yay! I finally made my follow-up appointment with my psychic, Mia. She's seriously amazing - I love her so much! There's so much warmth and kindness around her. I had made up my mind that I wanted to talk about work (boy do I owe you an honest entry about work) and about things with the boy because I was confused and I didn't have therapy for another week. When I got there, I was assuming she wouldn't remember me. I mean, we do all our appointment setups over the phone and I only ever give her my first name, but when I walked in she totally remembered me. Not only that, she had bought me a gift! She got me a book and said it would help me with my "servant" tendencies (it's an archetype, look it up). During my first reading we talked about how I'm always giving and giving to the people men in my life and how I frequently don't know how to ask for what I want. I can even see myself doing it with POP. Like, when we're in bed, I always ask him what he wants. He always responds with, "what do you want?" and then I say "whatever you want." UGH. Servant. Haha. Maybe we're both servants. I don't know. ANYWAY.

I asked about work first. I'm getting a new boss and lately I just haven't felt like I'm growing in my role and I'm afraid I won't get any responsibility and that I'll always be left behind, which seems to be a theme with me at my job. Mia told me not to worry about the new boss - she's not trying to make trouble or step on anyone's toes. She advised me to help shepherd her through the new role, since she's nervous, and if I make myself valuable to her, that will be good for me. She also told me that the only way I will get more responsibility is to ask for it. She did say there will be a tremendous amount of change on the team in the coming year with people shifting teams, organizations merging, and a lot of new processes and projects. Basically, the outlook is pretty positive as far as she can tell.

Then POP. I'm ashamed to admit that most of the session was about him. It makes me feel like a bad feminist AND I'm sure 75% of you are judging me like whoa for going to a psychic for love advice, but whatever. I believe in this stuff and I like using any means necessary to inform my decisions. Basically, she advised me not to give up on him because he's going through some things and trying to do some soul-searching and he's not sure what he wants. She said that he has tremendous potential to love me in the way I need and deserve to be loved. She stressed over and over again that he's not cheating on me or lying to me - there are no other women but me (glad that turned out to be true). She also said he's extremely attracted to me - on both a physical and intellectual level. She said he has no qualms about dating or marrying/having babies with a black woman. She gets the sense that he loves my difference and that makes him more attracted to me (but not in a creepy fetish way). She stressed that he's interested in a long-term relationship, but that the only way we will get there is if we talk it out and work out our differences. She couldn't tell me if it would be a long relationship, but she says if it doesn't work out it won't be because of anything crazy, but merely because we decide not to work on our relationship.

One thing that totally threw me was the knew SO much without me telling her. She asked if we worked at the same company because she sensed that he's worried about our work connection and that he's trying to make sure that I'm not batshit insane since he values his job and doesn't want any drama at work. She also asked me if he was Caucasian because she saw differences in our backgrounds. She mentioned some other stuff that I didn't tell her about - his brushes with anti-Semitism and how they've shaped him and his limited number of relationships. She advocated for working things out because she sees him as a good person with a good heart who can give me a lot of what I desire.

Also, she told me that my emotional age is 34! Haha and it's gone up since we last spoke. She says I seem so happy and there's a glow about my aura that wasn't there before. She told me that I'm making fabulous life decisions and that things are going well. All in all, a really good reading!

adventures in psychic-land.

Yes, I'm obsessed with psychics, astrologers, and general New Age crap. For some reason, it just seems to soothe me whenever I feel troubled. I had my first psychic reading my senior year of college, and of course, I had no idea what to expect and can't really remember what happened. I saw one during my college years, one at a Renaissance Faire, another two in NYC, and lastly, the one I just saw this past weekend. Psychic readings are my therapy. If I have an issue that I'm unsure of or something that's bothering me, I like to sit with a psychic and hash it out. It's odd because I really think I do it in order to justify my gut feelings. I'm still never really 100% okay with trusting my intuition, even though it's never steered me wrong. So going to see someone - anyone - helps me justify doing what I already want to do in my heart.

Before I tell you what she told me, some basic tips if you ever decide you want to get a reading:

1. Don't go anywhere with 'psychic reader' listed on the door and photos of crystal balls and talismans in neon lights on the windows. The best psychics I've seen didn't look like psychics. Their offices were also pretty standard - two couches, some tarot cards, nothing crazy. You're going for a psychic reading, not a voodoo ritual sacrifice. Minimal is better.
2. Do your research. Yelp and a good Google search are your friend. Find someone who has a bunch of testimonials from a wide variety of people. I found my first psychic recommendation from a reputable person on Twitter. If you want a serious reading, you should treat it like you would any other appointment you make.
3. Have questions. The reading is about you and you should control it entirely. For the hour or so that you're in there - it's your time. Prepare in advance what you want to hear about and don't be afraid to ask questions during the reading. My first few readings, I was super shy and didn't really say much, so the psychic lead everything and I left not always hearing the things I wanted to know.
4. Bring paper and a pen. Take notes. Trust me - you will not remember what went down in an hour of intense conversation. You're spending your money on this, you want to remember what was said. I took 10 pages worth of notes from my last reading - they're great to review later and you can also check and see how valid the reading was a year later.

But ANYWAY. I'm sure you guys want to hear about my reading, so here goes!

I really only wanted to focus on two things that have been on my mind - my current relationship (and relationships in general) and my career. I've been having doubts about the longevity of my relationship with my boyfriend and so I wanted to talk about that and I also wanted to see if this career move was going to be good for me.

As far as careers go, she told me this was the best move I could've made for myself. The one thing she did say, though, was that I was only going to work at my current company for a few years. Someone will take me under their wing, teach me all about the events world and mentor me and then I will decide to start my own company. A company that she says will be successful and give me a wonderful reputation and a comfortable life. She didn't sense immense wealth in my future, but she said my business will be profitable and allow me to live a pretty sweet life. She says as soon as I get over my confidence issues (which she thinks are more of a nuisance than a real problem), I'll bloom and will really come into my own career-wise. The Bay Area is good for me - she says I'll be incredibly happy here, but that I will move because of a relationship. Later in the reading, she clarified that the move would most likely be to the suburbs, but still in CA.

Lastly, the relationships thing. She told me she doesn't see my current relationship as being permanent (nor do I... but that's a tale for another time), but that I am going to find love in the next couple of years. I'll have children - 3 of them! - and they will be my natural children, which I really hope is true because I've never wanted anything more than to have a biological tie to something. She spoke *a lot* about the man that I will fall in love with. She says that he will pursue me and I won't flip-flop on it. I'll know that he's the one. He'll be a faithful, steady, and (shockingly) spiritual man. He'll be dynamic, established, not afraid to handle a strong woman, supportive, but still intelligent. She sees him as having a strong, unshakeable faith and a sense of loyalty. I won't have to worry about cheating or anything, but he will be old-fashioned in the sense that he believes women should be taken care of and treated in a special way. She did emphasize that he wasn't belitting about it, though. He most likely will be involved with some kind of non-profit or cause. She says that it'll be pretty instant and I'll know that it's different when I meet him. She also mentioned he would be black, never married and childless. Praise Jesus! Haha

All in all, it was a super-positive reading, which was great. In the past, I've had some not-so-great ones as I went through various randomness in my life. So I'm looking forward to the future and curious to see if what she predicted will come true!

yesterday, i went to a psychic.

Um, yeah... Yesterday, I decided to do something a little unconventional and go see a psychic. I've been feeling really off lately and I needed some guidance. Some people go to priests or rabbis or psychologists, but I decided to go get my astrological chart drawn up and read. Those of you who've known me from childhood know that I've always been interested in the esoteric. I used to be into tarot cards and psychic readings and all manner of occultish things. I wasn't one of those goth-type girls, but I've always had this burning interest in that sort of thing. Some people may find it strange, but I find solace in it and it's helpful to me. Since I've been feeling majorly bummed lately, I found a high-end psychic (recommended by NY Magazine and countless celebrities and public figures) and made an appointment.

Turns out, she's located insanely close to where I work, so I ditched work 15 minutes early to walk over. I'm really glad I did. Here are the basics of what she told me:

1. I will forge my own destiny: The first thing she said is that I will be wildly successful and that I have a destiny to fulfill and that destiny will involve me owning my own business. She says I will stumble upon my true calling in my 30s and it will be lucrative, powerful, and will enhance my life. She told me I had a lot of personal power and I need to set high goals because I can and will achieve them. She says I should absolutely go to law school and the sooner, the better. Around May of next year, I will get restless and start making dramatic changes to disrupt my life. I will most likely move again in this time period and meet someone who will change my life.
2. I will find what I want romantically: She says that a long-lasting marriage is definitely in the cards for me, but she cannot say when it will happen. She says that I will find an equal partner who will be exactly what I'm looking for. She cautioned me against getting into a relationship at this moment because it will not be right. She also told me that this great love will happen in God's time and not my own, so I have to be patient and trust that it will occur.
3. I am in a rut right now: One of the first things she mentioned was that I'm going through a horrible transition period right now, which started in the year 2008 and will end at the end of this year. I was shocked at how she was able to read my unhappiness, which (when I think of it) was absolutely at its peak in 2008. I had my blood clot in February, was in a volatile relationship and hating my living situation. I moved, which I thought would solve my problems, but in some senses created new ones. Right now, I'm really unhappy and borderline depressed. She read all of this and told me not to worry because the worst is passed and 2010 will be better. She cautioned me to put my hopes on hold because nothing will work out for me until the end of this year. She says it's good that I'm single because any relationship I enter will not work out (and that's certainly been true for the relationships from 2008 until now). She told me I have to stop thinking negatively or analyzing my life because it won't do anything but make me feel worse. She advised me to watch television and read and just keep my thoughts light and happy. She said if I feel more exhausted in this period, I should give in and sleep because I need it.
4. I am coming into my own at this moment: She told me that although I feel like an outsider - depressed and resigned - right now, that it is all in preparation for the changes that will come in the new year. She says it's as though I'm in a cocoon - preparing for the next cycle, where I will be closer to the person I was born to be. I need to just go with this and trust that come Jan/Feb of next year, I will be in a better place. I am changing as a person and while it seems like everything is going to pot on the outside, inside of myself there is profound change happening.
5. My life cycle is reversed: She told me that, for me, the best years are to come. Instead of being carefree and happy at a younger age, my happiness will only increase as I get older. Every 10 years, I will emerge as a new person, better and stronger than before. The things I expected to happen earlier will happen later, but I will be younger in spirit and appearance, the older I get in years. Basically she said it's a matter of reward deferral - I will work hard now, with the promise that I will be rewarded in the future.

After the session, she gave me a hug and told me I was a beautiful person and that I should stay in contact. It felt so warm - it was like she was an aunt or a godmother. I've seen 3 other psychics in this life, and this was by far the best reading I've ever gotten. She was so open to questions and really wanted me to drive the session. As a result, I felt like I focused on what I wanted to and got some answers that have made me feel better than I have in weeks. I've been struggling with a lot of different things - worrying about myself, worrying about my friends, freaking out about my life - and right now I feel totally zen about everything. Call me absolutely crazy, but it was just what I needed to stop being so depressed and fearful of the future.

Now, for my next actions... I think I'll save that for another day =)

strange encounters in brooklyn

Yesterday, I decided to go visit my friend from high school/college who lives in Brooklyn. Of course, he was running late, so I had some time to kill. I started walking around Bedford Street when all of a sudden this woman called out to me - "Excuse me! Miss! Miss!" I thought maybe I had dropped something so I turned around, but it turned out that she was a palm reader, peddling her craft on the street. "Come, sit, sit," she kept saying. I tried to tell her no, that I was in a hurry, but she said the magic words ("free") and so I sat down. I figured I could kill an extra ten minutes waiting for my friend and hear something interesting.

It was weird - some of the things she said really disturbed me. She said I was a dark person, with very negative energy and that I was incredibly negative at the core. This freaked me out. But there were other things she said that made me almost uncomfortable to hear. She told me I was confused about love (duh!) but she kept on mentioning something about the one I love, loving me back, which I thought was foolish because I don't love anyone. What really freaked me out was how spot on she was about my sex life. I was just sitting there, expecting her to go through the motions - love, money, whatever, when she's all "And when you have sex..." That certainly perked me up! Haha. I'm not going to get into what she said, cuz it's personal to me, but I'll put it this way - she certainly hit the nail on the head with that one! Lastly, she said a lot of things to me about suicide, etc, which is something I've never discussed with ANYONE. And I really mean, anyone. I'm surprised I'm even bringing it up now, but that's only because I'm long past that (which she also mentioned) and it doesn't bother me anymore. It was just shocking to hear someone tell you all those things about yourself.

I'm a little concerned about the negative stuff. I think I can be very negative. Sometimes I fear that I've lost my soul and that I need to do something to get it back. What I need? I don't know, but it certainly wasn't the $450 crystal healing she offered - hahahah. I bounced right quick when she started talking about that...

Oh Brooklyn...