euro trip 2013!

Holy Lord! Today is it! I leave on a plane in about 7 hours to head to Edinburgh. It has been a *rough* couple of days getting ready for this trip, but I'm starting to get more and more excited. Although, I have been reading up on travel theft and now I'm terrified someone's going to fleece me for all I'm worth. I'm still processing what I want this trip to be about - I'm not 100% sure what I hope to gain from it, but I want it to be meaningful. I've also decided to blog about all of this in a completely separate domain, a less anonymous one where I can post photos and such. I thought about posting the link here, but I'd like to keep the two places separate. If you're interested in the link, please email me - pillowtalkisextra@gmail.com or tweet me (@pillowtkisextra) and I'll shoot you the link. Until then, this blog will be pretty quiet until October 31st --- well, unless I do something so scandalous that it can only be posted here =)

See you soon!

i kind of haz a sad.

Leaving my office today was kind of sad. It was hard to say goodbye to everyone, especially Life Coach, who will no longer be on my team when I return. I just feel like I'm going into the great unknown without any resources. I have this ridiculous fear of being alone, but I'm also introverted, so my thoughts are running wild. On one hand, being alone with my own thoughts without a single friendly face in a strange place for 30 days seems crazy. On the other hand, I'll get to do whatever I want and I won't have to worry about social norms. That sounds AMAZING!

I love change, but I fear it. I also fear missing out on life. While I'm off exploring the world, my friends and family will continue living their lives. Some things will change and some things will stay the same, but I won't be a part of any of it and that's sad. I like to be a part of most things. I know this time is going to fly and I know it'll be valuable to my growth as a human being, but I'm just so nervous. I'm scared of a variety of things. There's the whole "solo female traveler" thing. There's the fear of being lonely. I fear feeling like a n00b while I'm in a place I'm not familiar with. I like to challenge myself, though, and this is a great way to do it. I know I'll be okay, because I'm always okay, but I may cry a little bit before I leave. I'm just a big baby like that.

i am NOT ready.

I am really not ready to go on this trip - not mentally, emotionally, physically, or logistically. HELP ME, GOD. I mean, I'm definitely ready to stop working and not to be consumed by the minutiae of events. I'm ready to stop staring at a computer screen day in and day out. I'm ready to be alone with my thoughts and interface with who I am when I'm away from what I do. And yet, I'm a little terrified. 30 days alone with myself in foreign lands. That sounds scary. I also haven't packed or stopped my mail or gotten an international phone. I am legit behind at life. It's a little bit crazy.

Hopefully, my four days in New York will help me prepare. I'll have responsible adults around me (yay parents!) to help me think of things that the stupid part of me won't think of. That will be good. I have more on this blog and my new travel blog and my new philosophy on blogging to come, but now is not the time. Expect more updates as the days progress.

LOVE.
CJ.

party recap!

I love house parties. Seriously, there is nothing better. Invite a bunch of people over, get shitfaced in the safety of your own home, and then pass the fuck out in bed when it's done. Little effort, lots of reward. I threw my annual birthday party this past Saturday and it was amazing. I looked cute, I had all my favorite drinks, and I was shockingly more well-prepared than normal. College BFF made the most amazing jello shots ever (whiskey sour and white Russian!) and I found the cutest red solo cup shot glasses!

Anyway, announced party time was 8pm which I thought everyone knows means you come at 9pm earliest (unless you're MB or one of my old roommates or College BFF, who are welcome to come early). I guess not everyone got that memo because Life Coach's BF and SAM showed up first at 8:20pm. Haha, of course I had to get shitfaced to be socially normal. Several jello shots, two Fireball shots, and a bunch of whiskey-lemonades later, I was hammered. I get boy tunnel vision when I'm drunk, so my memory of the night it kind of fuzzy since I just talked to one person. I do remember dancing with Vest and having fun listening to music. I remember my neighbor coming down and making me close my kitchen door. I remember the boys throwing cookies everywhere and being truly frattastic, but beyond that it's a fucking blur.

The party ended when I was basically like I GIVE UP ON LIFE and laid down in my bed while people were still there. Haha - so classy. I don't remember anyone leaving. I just remember Vest volunteering to get me pizza (LOVE VEST!) and he came back with it and left the box in my bed. I think I ate a few nibbles of the pizza, then promptly turned to the left and puked in my trash can and then passed out. When I woke up in the morning, my face was in a pizza box and all my vomit was contained within my trash can. Like a fucking boss!

I love that no matter how old I get, I'm still really fucking immature. Let's hope 28 is the year I stop vomiting from alcohol consumption.

Love everything!

it's my mothereffin' birthday!

Just wanted to say that. I'm too tired to blog properly, but I'll give you a little preview. I spent all day today hating my body and alcohol's effect on it. I literally have never been this hungover in my life. I think if I had a shotgun, I would've used it to end the hell that was today. On the bright side, I had a lot of fun last night, so that was a plus. I also executed the best vomit move in history. So proud of myself. More on that tomorrow =)

last day being 27!

Tomorrow is my birthday! Eek! Another year older. I don't really think I fear aging as much as some people my age do. I'm like - whatever, it's a number! I'm still immature as fuck, black don't crack, and I have a baby face, so no big deal! Anyway, it's been a good birthday weekend so far. Saw the Oddball Comedy Festival with JazzGirl last night - SO good. The comedians were awesome! I was a little sad that the Chappelle set was so short, but I had a good time and everyone was funny and the seats were amazing, so yay!

Tonight is my birthday party. I'm definitely nervous. Worlds colliding and all. And SAM being there. God I hope I look hot and am not a mess. I have my period, though, so I highly doubt that anything fun will happen, knowing my luck. Let's just hope that I look sexy, drink enough alcohol to be witty and charming and not enough to be sick, and that everyone is enraptured by my personality haha.

Anyway, time to nap (party prep has taken everything out of me). Will fill in with details mañana!

last trip to arizona!

Eek! This is my last Paradise Valley event. It's kind of bittersweet - I'm happy to move on and do bigger and better things, BUT it's also my last event with Life Coach and it's one of my faves. I have to say that it feels like the end of an era on my team. I love how close I've gotten to so many of the girls and this will be our last big event together. To celebrate, LC and I are taking a long lunch when we arrive tomorrow and then getting mani/pedis on Saturday. Yay! Friendship!

This is also my last work event for the rest of the year! Cannot believe it. I leave on September 30th for Scotland and I couldn't be more excited. A month off of work. I've decided to completely leave my computer and work phone here in the States so I'm not even tempted to look at anything. I want a complete release from my life. Then, when I come back in November, I'll get to start my new role as pretty much the only person on the Internal Events team. I think it's going to be great! I'm going to have more responsibility and more power. I am really looking forward to being involved and I think I'll be good at it. Cannot wait!

Okay, back to work and then some packing and cleaning!

i have messed up sleep habits.

God, why am I up at 4am?! I really need to reevaluate my life. There's so much that needs to get done this month I'm starting to feel extremely overwhelmed. Luckily, event shit is shaping up nicely and I think I'm in the homestretch as far as major work goes. I just need to survive the two events, clean my house, heal my foot, and plan a European adventure. No biggie =)

I really want to recalibrate myself on this trip. Get my sleeping habits in check and develop some healthy routines. I've felt so fucking drained by life lately. It'll be nice to just relax for a month and to have some time to myself. I've been feeling overwhelmed by everything and I need to just breathe.

Now, considering I slept for like 8 hours in the middle of the freaking day, I don't know how I'm going to get myself back on track...

file under "things that only happen to cj"

Last night, I came home from my psychic appointment ready to kick back and relax. I put on some Selena Gomez and start dancing. A few minutes later, I trip over one of my Toms and my whole foot collapses in on itself. Searing, burning pain. I sit down for a bit and it's okay. I get ready for bed and go to sleep. Wake up this morning and I can barely walk, after spending the night in extreme pain having weird dreams. UGH MY LIFE.

This morning was the doctor and X-Rays and shit. This is so not the time for this. I have an event that I'm leaving for on Friday and I'll be gone for a week. I come back needing to run crazy errands for my birthday party and then it's off to New York and Europe. Sigh. I need to do a lot of things. (A) Stop dancing to teeny bopper shit (B) clean my apartment of clutter (C) Stop drinking and dancing at night.

Maybe then I'll have the life I'm meant to lead. Oh well. Wish me a speedy recovery!

i am in love with spending weekends on a lake.

The past two weekends have been amazing - for Labor Day, I did Bass Lake and this past weekend was Tahoe. Bass Lake was so cute and the water was super warm. We got a pontoon and just floated along the lake, swimming and barbecuing and having a great time. It was a ton of fun and I drank enough alcohol to tranquilize a horse. I really love Life Coach, her bf, and their friends. I'm keeping silent on the SAM situation because there's nothing like someone telling you they can find your blog (and knowing that they can) to make you wanna be discreet. The short of it though - nothing major happened, just the usual ridiculousness.

I seriously fell in LOVE with Tahoe, though. It is beautiful and the lake is so huge! The water was really cold, which was a little disappointing, but laying on the beach felt nice (I got a little tan!) and I loved river rafting (even though I got ill and puked my brains out from drinking too much on the river). I really want to look into a time share or even buying a place there that I can escape to in the summer. I can totally see my future life - being a successful, independent entrepreneur. Working summers from the cabin and renting it out in the winter for ski season. It sounds delightful.

Ladies and gentlemen, I have a new goal!

i want to post, but...

... instead I'm probably going to run into the bathroom at work and cry lol. I feel overwhelmed with work and emotion and I just cannot handle anything. I'm in a really pissy mood that started this morning when the MUNI driver was getting passed by joggers. FML. I also have tried like 3 times to cancel on some stupid Negro dude who wants to meet to "talk about technology." He better either be ridiculously attractive or smart because I have too much work to do to deal with people who don't understand basic social cues. He's got 30 minutes. He's cutting into my gym time. I hope I never see him again because I know he's just going to ask me about a job and I have 0 interest in being helpful at this point. I'm debating just bursting into tears while I meet with him and that will convince him that he doesn't want to work here or deal with me ever again. Real talk.

Work is insanity. I feel so freaking overwhelmed and I'm ready to be done with this. I have two annoying events starting next week and then I'm free. I'm really looking forward to my birthday and then my month off of work. I can't wait to have nothing to do. I'm just in this IDGAF mood and I can't snap out of it.

I'll update about Bass Lake later - it was amazing and awesome! A new Labor Day tradition =)