birthday updates!

I will admit that I wasn't really looking forward to the whole 26th birthday on a work trip thing. I mean, I've never been a huge birthday person - I don't take the whole week off or chat about it incessantly, but I usually like to be in whatever city I live in, surrounded by the people that know me the best. So I was a little skeptical about actually having fun, but I have to say that it was a truly amazing day!

Woke up bright and early to catch my flight to Phoenix, Arizona. Got to the airport and met up with my co-worker/life coach, LE, who gave me a birthday card (so sweet)! The flight was uneventful since I slept the whole way. Then we headed to the event venue to get shit done. Except there really wasn't anything to do. I've been here since Thursday and I feel like I haven't had a single real task to do. It's kind of nice. I mean, I was supposed to be supervising some bag stuffing but the production company seems to have that shit on lockdown.

LE had set up this amazing dinner for me and the production team and events staff at the resort hotel. It was amazing. I had a ton of wine and really nice filet of beef. Amazeballs. We're also staying at the W Scottsdale Hotel, which is apparently the mecca of all nightlife for Scottsdale, Arizona. They were having this huge NBA fundraiser party that night and our IT guy (dorky, married engineer) was dying to go, but wasn't staying in the hotel, so we promised to accompany him and get him tickets. On the ride to the hotel, he entertained us with his vast knowledge of pop music. You haven't lived until a grown-ass straight male engineer sings Ke$ha at the top of his lungs in your presence. When we got to the party, it was insane. Red carpet and velvet rope outside of the hotel. Then you enter and there were a million baby skanks everywhere. These girls looked about 13 years old and they had NO clothing on. I really, truly felt old. We didn't care, though, we just took our old selves up to the poolside party and drank a ton of alcohol. Long Islands, Jaeger shots, whiskey drinks, etc and all of it paid for by my fabulous team/company. I don't think I spent a single dollar that night. Also peep our caricature, which really doesn't look like any of us. Oh, well.

Drunk binge eating in my hotel room while rocking out to pop music with my coworkers was an awesome way to end the evening. Bedtime by 3:30am. All in all, a stellar birthday!

wow, i was not expecting last night to turn into a shitshow.

I'm currently immobilized in my bed due to the hangover of the century. I don't know what happened, but last night was out of control. On the one hand, I totally miss nights like that and on the other hand, I am too fucking old for this shit. Yesterday work was insanity - we had this massively huge fire drill, which meant I got none of my scheduled work done and instead had to figure everything out. After hours of chasing engineers, running around, and panicking, my co-worker and I decided to get drinks with another girl we work with. We took a car to her house, dropped off our shit, and then headed to Nick's Crispy Tacos (which is fucking amazing, btw). They have a happy hour - $3 drinks until 10pm on Fridays. I had a large quantity of whiskey drinks and then we decided to go to Bullitt, this bar that has whiskey on tap. That was the first mistake.

My second mistake was ordering Makers on the rocks and then pouring it down my throat in record time. Then, it turned out that one of our other coworkers was there with his friends for a guy's night out, so we started hanging out with them. Spent a lot of time talking to this one guy who lived in Israel for a little bit and seems like a genuinely interesting person - he's a lawyer, but it sounds like his job is a ton of fun and it was really nice to talk to him. I then proceeded to get blind drunk after he bought me a whiskey sour and then another shot of whiskey. To cap off the evening, I ordered a Long Island Iced Tea in homage to my homeland. Third mistake.

I don't even really remember getting home. My one co-worker was chatting it up with some guy, so my friend and I grabbed her keys to go get our stuff and then called a car to go home, but I cannot remember the ride back. I just remember feeling dizzy as we went over the hills of San Francisco and trying to will myself not to vomit. I kept thinking I would just puke in my purse if it came down to that, but thankfully I was able to make it home with all the contents of my stomach intact. After praying to the porcelain gods for some amount of time, I guess I got into bed. I woke up this morning feeling like death, fully clothed and barely able to move. Not my finest hour. Morning run to the store for fluids and then I made myself a ridiculously large amount of pasta af 9am Pacific Time.

I am a hot mess. I'm also going out tonight, but I don't know if I have it in me to even drink a drop of alcohol. God help me!

holiday party magic!

Friday night was the big company party! As with most things my job does, it was amazing. It took place at the Galleria in SF and the venue was gorgeous. It was a beautiful night - tons of people, three floors of good food, good drinks, and music. I was fairly intoxicated by the end of the evening, and the boyfriend doesn't dance so we left kind of early to head back to my place for some more private fun =) And look at me, being all good, I have some photos from the party!

 The Galleria

 Partygoers on multiple floors

Boyfriend and I got a caricature

All in all, the evening was really nice! It was fun to introduce boyfriend to my work friends and I love getting dressed up and going to fancy places. We had a really nice night! 

i'm a free bitch, baby!

OMG, so much I want to talk about right now - my money woes, my dieting woes, the fact that I've become crazy psycho about stalking TG (whoops!), but we'll save all that for a later date and instead focus on the amazingness that was the Lady Gaga concert last night. It was Madison Square Gaga last night and I absolutely loved it! The set, her fabulous costumes, the fact that she played every single song I wanted to hear. It was all excellent!

I don't really do the whole concert thing - I've only been to two in my life (one was a band called the Coral - I got dragged there - and the other was Maroon 5/John Mayer) and I never really feel compelled to go. There was something about Gaga, though, that made me want to shell out the money. I guess it's because I love pretty much every song she puts out and I also feel like I identify with *so* many of the songs. Just Dance is one of the jams I play whenever I'm feeling shitty or confused and Speechless brings me to tears. I also just love the way she embraces being different and tells her fans that it's okay to be whoever the fuck you are.

The show itself was pretty fucking spectacular. There were about 18 costume changes - there was this one white number with mechanical, moving parts that made me gasp it was so beautiful. I also didn't expect the show to last 2 hours and while being on my feet for that long was rough (I can only imagine how she felt!), it was good to hear every song I wanted to hear. I think the second half was better than the first - I like more of Gaga's newer stuff, but hearing some of the old stuff was cool. I also really liked her inspirational words and the story that the show told. Sometimes I wonder if I'll ever get where I'm going, and it was encouraging to watch her up there on stage living her dream. My mother told me she fell in love with Lady Gaga after listening to her on Oprah - she found her to be so articulate and passionate about her work. Well, I definitely fell in love with her post-concert. She's truly a rock star.

It was also really awesome to see a New York City girl, with a New York City opening band, in one of the best venues in New York City. I'm going to miss this place like you wouldn't even believe.

ivy league d-baggery.

Work is stressful right now - I'm basically doing 12 hour days and not getting a lot of sleep. I come in at 7 or 8am and stay til 7 or 8pm and then go home and work some more, drink a little, and then go to bed. Get up early and repeat. Last night, however, I did some major de-stressing at the Ivy League Mixer (gag).

So to answer your burning question - no, I did not meet my soul mate. I met a talkative New Yorker and then a hottie with a girlfriend. FML. We got there and the first thing roommate said was "God, it's like douche central in here." Yes, yes it was. There was also a man who brought his child! I'm fairly sure he was at the wrong event or didn't really understand what the night was about. Also, there was a guy there who had to be 85. I am not exaggerating AT ALL. He was someone's grandfather for sure. Of course roommate talked to him, as they both were from the same alma mater. God, I love that girl. Seriously - leaving that apartment is going to kill me. It just can't get any better than the living situation I have now. ANYWAY. So we got drinks immediately because that's how we roll. We staked out a spot and after 20 minutes, I got pulled aside to talk to C, a columbia grad who is there for his masters. Nice guy, I guess, but kind of strange. We had some stuff in common - talked about being minorities in America (he was Puerto Rican like my pappy). After a while, his hot friend came over and we chatted for a decent amount of time, during which C headed over to my posse of girls.

His friend was hot - like I totally would've hit it. He appeared interested, but didn't take my number or anything. Later found out via C that he has a girlfriend. Not sure if that was true - maybe he just didn't like me like that, but no sweat off my back. I wasn't emotionally invested or anything. He was just a nice, tall, hot Black guy with an Ivy degree and that shit does not come your way too often. My other friends didn't fare any better. K was talking to a guy that looked like a 70s porn star - mustache and all. My roommate got stuck talking to his equally unappealing friend, who leered at her during the entire conversation.

So by then I'm pretty drunk and they're playing shitty music and I want to dance, so I go and harass the guys who work at the bar. I don't know if you know this about me, but when I get drunk and the music is bad, I will go freaking nuts. I make fun of the DJ, get in his face - it's awful. I should probably stop, but I like doing it too much. The guys at the bar were nice though - considering I was one of about 2 black chicks there and they were black as well, they accommodated my request for hip-hop music. So my girls and I got on the dance floor and had our own little dance party while the rest of the kids stood around. I guess Ivy Leaguers don't dance? While on the dance floor, this girl comes up to roommate and starts dancing with her. Then she leans in and goes "let's do lesbian shit!" My roommate kind of jumped back and the girl was incredibly apologetic, but that shit made me laugh! Who says that to someone? WTF? Anyhow, shortly after that we decided to bounce. We were pretty wasted and we wanted pizza, which we made at home.

It was nice to get out, though. I rarely get the chance to go out with a bunch of girls and dance and flirt and mingle and have a good time. In my last 6 months here, I definitely want to spend more time with my work friends. Even if it means spending the next day dying of a hangover. Which is my current state. Blah. I have a dinner tonight, too. What the hell? I'm supposed to be Miss Anti-Social.

i don't know why i don't go out more often.

Yesterday was simply amazing. I'm glad I was able to have a good time since I got nothing constructive done. Except for my hair, which desperately needed a wash and straighten. I was starting to look a little rough.

Went to Jax' comedy show. OMGSOGOOD! I had an amazing time - she was awesome, most of the other comics were awesome, and I genuinely missed supporting the people I care about. College was great because as a theater chick, I always knew someone in a musical or a play or a reading or a music concert. I really loved being able to get out, see art, and watch my friends excel. It was a great feeling. Nowadays, everyone just goes to work and comes home and that's it. It's nice to have opportunities to see your friends perform. Nowadays, they are few and far between.

Then it was LK's birthday at Turtle Bay. Went with Jamz and High School Best Friend and we had so much fun dancing and being silly. I barely even drank. I love those nights. I also realized the secret to getting free drinks and not having your id scanned (not that I need to do that anymore). Basically, you just have to be the only black female in a bar full of white patrons and black bouncers. It's the best! They chat you up, barely look at your ID, and once you're inside, they get you to the front of the bar line and have your drinks paid for you! I haven't even gotten to the best part. You don't have to *talk* to them since they're technically at work and can't be mingling with the crowd. I think I've found my new calling. Time to hit up every white bar in the city! Haha. I need to stop - I really do. I'm awful. But yeah, being a big-chested tall black girl does have it's advantages. I knew God gave me these boobs for a reason.

It was great seeing the Long Island crew. I reminisced with a friend over our hand-signals in 4th grade and our love of teasing this crazy art teacher. Those were definitely the days. I hope I see more of those kids down the line. It's nice that we're all still close, even if it's in small groups. Goes to show you that you can make some of the best friends you've ever had even before hitting puberty. I got home around 3 am and was so fucking tired that I just passed out with the lights on. Did manage to remove my contacts, though, so that's a plus.

Tonight is my date with Jamz. We're seeing Hair - my treat - since I'm a sugar momma like that. Then it's back to the grind. Sigh. I should get going - trying to get my nails done today.

all hollow's eve.

I think I eradicated my hatred of Halloween last night. I had an amazing time - probably the first truly good Halloween in my life. I left work early, got a manicure - my nails are now a beautiful shade of blood red. After that I headed to grab makeup for my costume and then booked it home. Some of the high school peeps came over and we got ready together, handed candy out to trick-or-treaters (apparently people do trick or treat in apartment buildings. who knew?), and then headed out.

We dropped by the parade. It was awesome. It was just so crazy to see SO many people in the streets, dressed up, carousing, having a good time. It was amazing. Some people had some really crazy shit on, too. Haha. But I was literally loving every minute of it.

Then we headed over to the party. If there's anything I love more than a party, it's one thrown by bankers in a penthouse apartment with views of the Empire State Building. Um, I literally wanted to roll a cot in there and start paying rent. It was beautiful, well-decorated, and amazing. The fireplace was a nice touch. I was shocked at how well-furnished it is - I mean, four boys live there - I expected it to be either empty or filled with random furniture. But, it was nice. I had a really good time. Hung out with some more high school kids, met some new people, it was good. I love getting out of my apartment and mingling with the world. Anyhow, it was a lot of fun, I didn't get wasted, I didn't molest any bankers - all in all a pretty good night =)

Now I'm spending this weekend being a hermit and I'm loving it. I plan on staying in tonight, watching a movie and just being dull. I deserve this weekend.

this weekend could not come fast enough.

I am so excited! By a stroke of luck, my best friend's parents decided not to visit her in DC this weekend, so she's coming up here tomorrow to spend the weekend. I've never been so excited in my life! I miss that chick like whoa and the last time I saw her, I had just been hooked up to an IV, diagnosed with a blood clot. So we definitely have to make this weekend a lot more fun than that experience.

I have a lot of people that I refer to as my "best friend" because I think that you have different best friends at different stages and locations of your life. However, I think College BFF is one of the most important people in my life, regardless of space or time or where I was or what I did. She never judges me and she's been there with me through so much - when guys have fucked me over, when I screwed up royally on my thesis, when I struggled to decide what to do with my life. She listened to me bitch and moan and she's never once judged any of my actions. She lets me do what I want and I let her do what she wants and we both know that no matter what stupid bullshit we get into, neither one will ever say I told you so. Maybe it's the fact that we're both bourgie black girls with a very similar upbringing, but there's a closeness I have to her that I've yet to duplicate.

And so this weekend, I'm determined to show her a good New York time. In light of my mixed emotions, crazy feelings, and mood swings, I need this vacation and I need her to come help balance me out. Here's hoping we have some crazy times this weekend! I'm sure we will =)

new year's eve in manhattan.

Last night was the first New Years I've spent away from the fam. Normally I spend the 'holiday' sitting on my bed listening to music, only to come out of my stupor around 11:30 pm, running to the den to kick it with my parents while waiting for the ball to drop. Then I go to bed. In other words, lame lame lame. So this year, I decided to do the Manhattan NYE. I went to the city with my friends, had a Mexican dinner, and then off to a club to dance the night away.

I had an amazing time, although I think I kind of shocked my friends. You see, one thing that I'm never quite willing to admit about myself is that I'm a really big flirt when I want to be. I don't even know what it is, but it's just like a switch is flipped and all of a sudden, I'm crazy and vivacious and just so open and free. Most of my LI friends don't know me in that way and so it can be kind of hard for me to show that side of myself. So I basically spent the first half of the night chatting and dancing with the male friend of one of my high school friends. He was visiting from school and came out to the party. It was completely harmless and I didn't want anything to happen, but I could still feel myself doing the whole crazy flirt thing - dancing with him, having him get me drinks, talking.

Then, I don't know what was up, but this random, skinny, decent-looking white guy stood next to my group of friends and was looking at us. So I kind of looked at him and laughed. And he totally called me on it - "Are you laughing at me?" So I said I wasn't, I was just laughing. Then he gave me that 'I think you're kinda cute' look and we started dancing. He totally tried to stick his tongue down my throat, but I need names first, so I got the lowdown on him. Lives in NJ, works in Times Square for a firm I've actually heard of and went to school upstate. That was all I needed to start the full-on, dance-floor makeout sesh that followed. It was kinda awk cuz the LI BFFs were there and I like to keep it clean when we go out. They were totally watching me and taking pix (omg, embarassing), but I kept my shit together. Mr. NJ was definitely trying to mack it. Totally tried to put my hands down his own pants and he tried putting his down mine. But, I'm a lady (HA) or at least I was trying not to be a complete slut, so I nipped that in the bud. The friends started getting antsy so I told him I had to go, to which he just kept kissing me and acting like he couldn't hear me. We went over to a quiet little corner (or as quiet as it gets in a club) and I know he was trying to seal the deal, but I was staying with JamBam and he was staying with a friend in Queens so it just wasn't going to work. He asked for my number and I gave it to him, but I figured it was futile since I'm going back to SF tomorrow. Oh, well. At least I got some kind of New Years action even if my friends think I'm a dirty whore.

So yeah, first New Year without the fam. Hot.

Oops! I forgot the most important thing. Last night, the Engineer sent me a text message saying Happy New Year! SO FUCKING EXCITED. It totally just put the frosting on the cake. I plan on calling him in another couple of minutes to make plans for my return and say hey! Wee!

reliving the past.

Last night, I spent the evening in Manhattan with two of my favorite high school friends. It reminded me so much of this past summer where I practically lived with JB - hanging out with him and his bro, drinking and running around the city. It was just as much fun last night. Dinner and a discussion of my inability to break free from Tech Guy started off the night. Then some drinks at his apartment followed by heading over to the Meatpacking District to dance at G2, this spot we used to frequent. Of course we were the darkest motherfuckers on the planet there, but we had a good time dancing without giving a shit what anyone had to say. Then I bounced and went back to LI.

While in the lounge I heard two songs in a row that reminded me of Mock Trial and the Banker. I know I've talked about the Banker in my old blog and personal friends know of him but the quick story is this. The Banker and I went to school together and had a long flirtation followed by a brief fling. He was one of the only men at school that actually managed to hold my attention and the way things fell out, I got pretty burned and bitter and awful. It was not a pleasant experience, but I've always cared for him even though I acted like a hellion when things went sour. He now works as an i-banker in NYC and I always toy with the idea of calling him up when I'm there, but I decided against it in November.

Anyway. I just decided to text message him while I was riding the train home cuz I needed something to distract me from the drunkards on the train and Tech Guy had gone to bed hours earlier. So I told him I'd heard his favorite song and thought I'd say hey. We texted back and forth for about 30 min - chatting, making fun of each other, the usual banter. I may try and catch up with him on Monday or Tuesday. We'll see how ambitious I feel. But the thing is, even if he pulls his normal flaky shit I think I'll be fine because I've finally moved on with my life. Plus I already have two men giving me grief, the last thing I need to do is rehash the past. So if the mood strikes me, I'll put in the effort. If not, I won't. Wow, that's refreshingly healthy for me.

New Years recap and resolutions post to follow tomorrow!

so. what had happened was...

Clearly I have no control over myself. So I just wrote this post about how I have to end it with Tech Guy, yada yada. Of course, that means I end up spending my Friday night and Saturday morning in his bed. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, I crossed the staying over line. I don't know how it happened - I was upset and irrational.

Basically, what happened was this - I went to my company's holiday party and let me tell you. That shit was RIDICULOUS. I mean, I know the way ******** usually throws down - free alcohol, nice decor - but this impressed me in a way I cannot even explain. We literally must have money pouring out of our ears. But anyway, that is NOT the point. So the shuttle buses were supposed to go from the party to campus and they DIDN'T. Which meant that ALL my shit - computer, Baby Jane, and the toiletries I had used to get ready (hair straightener, lotion, deodorant, perfume, etc) were in the office. I wanted to cry. Luckily, I'd had the presence of mind to bring my damn keys and my ID and one credit card. Thank God. So I'm pretty pissed and all night TG's been texting me, asking me to come over. So I take the shuttle to a stop near him and I call him, almost in tears just going on and on and on. He tells me to come over and he'll make it better and so I do.

I didn't want sex. When I got there I was tired and whiny, but I knew I had to do *something* with him so that this wasn't like a 'boyfriend/girlfriend counseling session.' I put in my required time and activity and then we passed out. Of course, I get woken up the next morning at 6:30 am because he wants to have sex. So I deal with that and then we watch Heroes and I sleep in his bed while he showers and eats. He offers to make the drive back to my job (which is about an hour) to get my stuff, but I say I'm okay and decline. Then he drives me home.

In short, I don't know what the fuck happened, but I totally lost it and caved and went over there. It was bad and it showed me how weak I am. I'm just making this situation totally worse because I know I'm ready to get out and yet I just can't extricate myself from the situation. I've become one of those women I didn't want to be and that pisses me off more than anything else. It's time for me to regrow my spine.