wow, i'm really slacking on this blogging thing...

Basically, work has been kicking my ass on a routine basis, so I'm not blogging as much anymore. It's nice to be busy, though. I like it and the work is meaningful and I'm doing a ton of visible stuff. So yay for that! Boo to not being able to update about my life. Things have been going pretty well lately. I've completely adjusted to the new apartment, so much so that I do not want to return to the old one to clean up and take care of what needs to be done tomorrow. Alas, I have to, so I've taken tomorrow as a work from home day to do that in the morning, and then I'll have my meetings in the afternoon.

We also just got HBO and HBO on Demand, so I've become a first-class hermit. Yesterday, I drank lots of wine while chatting with my roomies. It was the first time all three of us were in the same space and I loved it! I think we're going to have an amazing year. Tonight, I plan on catching up on True Blood, my new favorite obsession.

Had another jealous fit about TG - over nothing. I swear I read into the littlest things. We're fine now (don't forget - I have these fits in my head and never express them to him), so it's all good. There's a part of me that wonders if I shouldn't give up on this no-dating thing, just so I can move on from him. Then there's another part that knows I don't want to date, so it would be pointless and a waste of time to even try. I think I'm just going to stick with not dating and trying to calm the fuck down when it comes to him. Seems reasonable.

Okay, time for me to finish up my last three tasks of the day so I can get out of here on time!

hallelujah, i have moved!

I am finally out of Stuy Town. I'm writing this from my new apartment building, in the lobby, since our cable and internet aren't being set up until tomorrow. Can I just tell you how much I already love the new space? I feel like this huge burden has been lifted off of my shoulders and I'm enjoying life in Manhattan.  As it happens, this weekend was not only moving, but lots of hanging out with friends. I went out on both Friday and Saturday and went clubbing for the first time in forever. It felt so good to just dance and hang out with old friends from high school. I had a blast.

But that's not the point of this post. On to discussing the apartment! First off, my room is excellent. Walk-in closet is fab and it can fit all of my stuff comfortably. Then, there's the bathroom. No more praying to Jesus in the morning that my roommates were getting up late or had already left. I have it all to myself. Hell, I can even use the toilet paper I like!!! I'm so excited about this. You have no idea how vehemently I'm against that ultra-fluffy, soft stuff. I also just love the kitchen. It's so nice and modern and wayyy better than what we were dealing with before. It's phenomenal.

The access to the subway is great. Also, there are so many stores and shops such a short distance away. On Sunday morning, I did ABP and hit up Borders and CVS and spent some time walking around. I can also get anywhere I want to go - the A, C, 2, 3, 4, 5, J, M, Z are all right there. I cannot tell you how happy I am. I feel so good about this place - words can't even describe. I think I'm going to be exceptionally happy here.

Of course, not everything is perfect. The building is full of banking douchebags, but some of them are nice to look at so I won't complain. It is nice to have young people around, regardless of whether or not they talk about mergers and acquisitions in the elevator. I think this next 12-14 months are going to be great. Also, I'm loving the whole doorman thing. It is amazing. As is all of the common space. 

Things are looking up! =)

last day.

This morning was my last commute from my Stuy Town apartment to my job. It's so crazy to think that come tomorrow evening, I'll be settled in a new apartment, in the Financial District, a part of town that I've only been to about 4 times in my life. I'll have a whole new neighborhood to explore, a new building to get used to, and one new roommate. I like to think that life will only get better from here. 

Sometimes I get jealous of my friends in SF because it seems like their lives picked up dramatically in their second year there. When I look at the pictures and listen to their stories, it seems like they've branched out more, made new friends, and really found a place for themselves in the city. I'm really hoping that something similar happens to me. I can already feel things picking up - I spend more time with my loves (I do truly feel blessed to have my family here - and at this stage in my life, family includes my parents, brothers, AND a select few of my high school friends), I've been going out more and seeing more of the city. I just need to keep it up. I need to challenge myself to explore the city more, so I can have favorite restaurants, bars, coffee shops, etc. New York has made me timid - well, it hasn't really made me timid, it's more that it's brought out that timid side of me that I constantly struggle to suppress.

I don't know if people realize the extent of my shyness. I do a pretty good job masking it and covering it up, but sometimes it is truly debilitating. Every day is a battle of the will to put myself out there, be friendly and open. I wish things like that came naturally to me. It's like I have one half of the equation - I'm always up for challenge and new things and moving around - but I fuck up on the follow through. Clearly, this year I shit the bed on the follow-through like whoa. But, I have another year, another chance to grow and experience things. I'm so excited. Less looking back, more looking forward.

i'm a lazy bum.

I'm supposed to be packing. I left work early to start packing. Yet, I haven't done any packing. Reading magazines - did that. Reading books - did that. Watching an episode of the Tudors - did that. Napping - yup, that too. Packing - no. Although, I did do all of my laundry, which is something, I suppose. Had a long chat with TG - it was nice. He's nice. Things are okay. I just need to stop liking him, which is easier said than done. Although, I don't know why I need to stop liking him - it isn't harming me, yet. I guess it's the yet that's the problem. Oh, well.

ANYWAY. I can't believe I'm moving. It's ridiculous. I really hope I like the new place and that it's the start of a new life in NYC. I'm giving myself a year to really enjoy the city and branch out and experience life as a New Yorker. I once read that it takes 5 years in NYC to feel settled. I don't know if I have that long, but who knows? I still have no idea where I want to be or who I want to be or what I want to do. I still have time, but I shouldn't let my intense introspection and neurosis keep me from enjoying my time here.

i did say i was giving up men, right?

It seems like I've made this decision to stop seeing anyone and yet I still have boy drama to speak of. Today, I got the most mortifying text from my mother. It reads as follows: "i am at a workshop at gateway national park (horror) but there is such a nice-looking tall blue-eyed park ranger that we have decided will be great for you... but he's into the environment. you might have to play in the dirt and with bugs and plants. maybe no...what do you think. i can set you up... hmmmmmm." I literally almost dropped my phone! Why is my mother trying to set me up?! Why can't I be alone and happy and not have to worry about her trying to get me together with every Tom, Dick, and Harry that crosses her path? It's so embarrassing, especially since my mom and I do not talk about men. I'm seriously horrified by that text. So I just ignored it - haha. Well, I didn't ignore it. I told her she was crazy and then we started talking about moving. Whew. Crisis averted. Unless she does give him my number or e-mail or something. Creepy. Also creepy that she's trying to set me up with a white guy - I thought she wasn't into that. I guess I should be pleased that she's changed her mind on that.

Anyway, then there's TG. He signed online yesterday all bouncy and happy. We talked a bit, he told me I've been really funny and humorous to talk to lately. Then he told me about his night out on the town at a few gay bars with his (gay) boss. I asked him if I should be worried, to which he replied no and that he loves women (well, he used a more vulgar Chappelle quote, but I won't go there today). Then he had this to say:

TG: so after my flight to Dulles, and STL

       I'll have a free flight

me: are you going to come to nyc?

TG: maybe I'll go to Maine

       or Vermont

me: haha for what?

TG: to visit the northeast

  maybe swing by new jersey

  :-P

me: you should come see me! maine is boring

TG: I was teasing

me: haha good =P

So yay! He may come to NYC for real. And we can have a real week together and have a good time and relax and it'll be cute and I'm so excited for it. I want to see him so badly. I hope he can schedule a trip soon - I don't want to wait too long. I hope he doesn't decide on September - it's too late! We talked for most of the day, since he was working from home. It got a little suggestive, which I like, and things seem good between us. So I'm frightened. I'm happy he's going to gay bars because I know he won't meet anyone there! I just hope that nothing goes awfully wrong. I want to have a nice trip with him and it would be nice to be out in CA in October and have things go smoothly. I have low expectations, though. I just know he'll meet someone. I guess I just have to see what happens. Not much I can do outside of that. I wonder how he feels about me. I wish he'd tell me, but I know he thinks I'm cold and unfeeling. The perils of being guarded...

hair crisis.

I had written a while back about my hair and how I was going to stop straightening it. I thought I was totally set with going natural and being free and hippie-like and Black is Beautiful. Go me! However, now I'm having a serious panic attack over it. I was randomly browsing on Facebook and saw a photo of myself the last time I went natural and all I could think was, I cannot look like that again. That was one of the most awkward periods of my life - not only had I radically chopped off my hair, but I had this weird rash thing on my face, I was pledging a frickin sorority and doing theatre like 24/7. It was hellish. I'd like to think that I'm in a better place now, but I don't know if I'm ready to feel unattractive just yet. I'd like to think that I can do it differently this time and find a style that I really like. I'm living in New York City, there are tons of black salons and hair care shops around, and there's no reason why I shouldn't be able to find a natural style that works for me.

I know this entry seems shallow and vapid, but I don't think people really understand the importance of hair in black culture. In addition to skin color, hair is a really big deal in the African-American community. The way you choose to style your hair as a black woman says something about you whether you want it to or not. I constantly get frustrated because it seems like as a black woman, I can't do anything to my body without it being a political statement, due to the complicated nature of race in America. Just because I choose to straighten my hair doesn't mean I don't appreciate natural black beauty or that I'm conforming to white standards of what is beautiful. I also don't think that wearing your hair natural makes you some radical, Afrocentric activist. Sometimes hair is just hair. But, I guess history and society have robbed me of the ability to make choices that don't have values subscribed to them.

It does bother me, however, that I don't know how to deal with my natural hair. When I stopped relaxing it, I had no idea how to style it and no clue how to take care of it. I know there are tons of options for handling natural hair that don't necessarily mean rocking a short Afro - I just need to find something that works for me. I refuse to give up on this just yet. I'd really like to try and do this the right way to see what really works for me. I'm tired of hair being such a big deal. I wish we could just get over it. Maybe that's asking too much, but I'm going to try and do my own thing and not worry about what people think.

plan of attack.

In an effort to stop being stagnant and boring, I've started to make some plans for myself around certain goals I have. There's something about moving to a new apartment that makes you feel like you're getting a chance to start over, even if you're only moving a few miles away. I feel like this is my opportunity to really make some changes. I'll be living in a far nicer apartment building than I've ever lived in, with excellent roommates and an excellent transportation system. I'm ecstatic.

Today, I planned a vacation for myself. I know that because of the demanding nature of my job during the months of September through November, I won't be able to do the cross-country train journey I've been dying to make. Instead, I've decided to take a weekend in late-September to check out the fall foliage and harvesting season up in Hanover, NH. I looked up some inns and bed-and-breakfasts and activities and I really think that once I decide what I'm doing for my birthday (it falls during the same time period), I'll nail down a date and book it. I'm getting excited already. Fall is one of the things that makes me never want to leave the Northeast. I didn't get to experience it the way I wanted to last year, so I'll make up for it this year.

I think I'm finally over my lazy streak at work. I have so much work to do and I'm in charge of so many things right now that I cannot afford to slack. Especially considering I'm bummed about not being promoted and I want to get promoted in the next cycle, so it's time to start working on that. I've been getting in early and leaving late and really buckling down. I also intend to do some work this weekend to catch-up and get ahead and make sure I stay on top.

I'm also trying to do some introspective work to figure out where I want to be in my life. I still have no idea where I want to live or what region of the country suits me best. When I think about leaving the East Coast, I feel sad about it, but I also feel excited thinking about going back to the West Coast. It's difficult. Not only that, I seem to have lost my zeal for extracurricular pursuits. I don't participate in any of the activities that used to excite me so much. While I doubt I'll be able to find anything Mock Trial-related to do, I'm living in the theater capital of the world and I haven't even tried to get involved. Additionally, I haven't done nearly enough to get involved with feminist groups that focus on the issues I'm interested in. I'm excited to get involved with the Feminist Task Force, but I also want to do some more volunteering and sex education type stuff. Now is a perfect time to get serious about that. Not to mention applying for law school.

God, there is so much to be done! Luckily, I tend to do well under pressure =)

holy shit, i'm moving in a week!

Um, yeah. Just realized that I'm moving about a week from today and I haven't started doing anything. I have no boxes, all my stuff is strewn around my apartment. It's insane. I still have to pack things up and go through all the common space - so much to do! I've forgotten how crazy moving can be. Luckily, this isn't a cross-country move (like my last two moves), but it's still going to be annoying. I'm glad I have my parents to help, though. I don't think I could do it alone and I'm too poor and too cheap to pay someone else to do it for me. Plus, I get four movers for the price of none. I do want to start moving some of my stuff over beforehand, though, since our lease starts Monday. Mainly things like books and some clothing that I'm not using. Also, my parents really don't need to see my condom collection or vibrator, so I'll box those things up and take them over. I have my trusty NYC old-lady cart. Haha - I love that thing! I figure I can do a shuttle run or two over the next week.

I really want to make this year in NYC count. I'm moving to a new apartment, in a nice building, with non-crazy roommates. I need to start exploring and doing fun things and decorating my room and really making it feel like home. I feel like I'm always doing everything half-assed and it's not getting me anywhere. I swear I will make this apartment a true home and not just someplace I sleep at night.

Well - it's about time I got back to my mountain of work, so more this weekend!

check-in time.

So much has been happening lately. I've totally been screwing the pooch in regards to my job, which I hope stops happening soon, so I don't get fired. I've also been getting sick. Thankfully, I don't think I have strep (which was my first guess), but I definitely have a cold. In the summer. Ugh - summer colds suck! I have too many meetings and too much work to stay home, though. I've also had several nights of getting less than 4 hours of sleep (WTF?! How is that okay?!). Luckily, I got rest last night, but I woke up all stuffy and yucky this morning. Boo. I'm also back on caffeine, which is my mortal enemy because of how it totally screws up my stomach. But, it's keeping me awake, so I'm dealing with it.

It's almost Friday, though. I think that outside of the fireworks show I'm going to, I plan on keeping it really low-key and chill. My body cannot handle this and I need to catch up on sleep. 

Lastly, TG. Oh, TG. It's like the never-ending story with us. Yesterday, I was at work late and he sends me this link. I ask him if it's safe to click on (I do NOT fuck around with random links - there are too many computer cooties out there and I only have one functional laptop left). When he said yes, I did, and it took me into a video chat. I don't know why, but it made me really happy to talk over video. It was good to see him and connect with him if only for 10 minutes. He was being silly as usual and we had a nice, quick chat, since we were both at work. I really hope we chat like that more often. It was nice. I love how I get myself into these weird situations with boys. I don't think I'll ever learn. Oh, well. It's enjoyable.

let me indulge my dorkiness for a little bit.

Harry Potter opens tonight!!!!!!!!! I have tickets for the midnight show and I'm super excited. I still remember how geeked out my friends and I would get when the books came out. We'd go to the midnight HP parties at Barnes and Noble to pick up our books and then spend the next day in Shruti's basement reading. Man, I miss that. I was talking to my roommate yesterday about how sad we'll be after the seventh and eighth movies get released. No more eagerly awaiting another movie or book.

Pop culture is a huge thing for me. I love getting excited over things like Lord of the Rings, Harry Potter, and even Star Trek. Even though I never got into the LotR books and I've seen maybe 3 episodes of Star Trek, there's something about lining up with a large group of people to watch some epic movie that gets me excited. I guess I just love getting lost in another world, which is the basis for my movie fascination.

Anyhow, cannot wait to see Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince tonight!

pretty good for under 3 hours of sleep.

I'm actually surprisingly productive and awake considering my bout of extreme insomnia last night. Of course, my body woke me up at 7 am even though I went to bed around 4:45 am. I managed to stay in bed for another 45 minutes, but without sleeping. I feel a little better this morning. We're signing our lease at 12:30 pm so that's moving along and I'm starting to plan out the things I need to do to move out of and be settled with the old apartment shit and getting excited about planning for the new apartment. The thing with TG is bothering me less after a major dish session with Jama and College BFF. I guess I just hate seeing him with someone else, especially someone else I don't think is all that attractive. Which is shallow and catty, I know. But, let's be real. We're all fairly shallow and catty; I'm just not sugarcoating it for anyone. Granted, they may not be together, so I should reserve all judgment until I know, but I just have this feeling. So we'll see how often I talk to him based on these recent developments.

I was thinking today of something my mother said to me the other day. I was telling her how much I wanted to get out of my current apartment and neighborhood and she said, "Well, you just like change. It's not in your nature to stay anyplace for too long. And that's fine, but that's just how you are." I guess I never thought about it like that. I really am very into change and switching things up and sometimes I recognize that, but I didn't realize that it was such a huge part of my personality. I also didn't realize that my mother noticed it as well. It worries me sometimes, because how will I ever settle down if I always have this desire for something new and exciting? On the other hand, I think I'll live a more varied life and I'll come out better for it. I guess I just need to start plotting my next move since I clearly can't bear to be anywhere for too long.

insomnia.

It's 4:11 am and I'm still up as a result of a nap I started taking at 8:00 pm and finished taking around 11:45 pm. Sigh, when will I learn? I'm also just restless. This weekend I went to DC and it was so much fun. I got to see College BFF and a bunch of my sorority sisters and it was so nice. I miss the girls - just hanging out, people watching, kicking it in the park. It was just such a comfortably chill trip. We didn't really do anything crazy or exciting, just hung out. I needed that. I've been so stressed out by apartment drama and work drama and trying to figure out my life.

I don't know why I'm still awake. I've had crazy napping schedules before and not stayed up til 4 am. I feel like so much is weighing on my mind. On the plus side, we were approved for our apartment and we'll be moving to the financial district in about two weeks!!!! I'm so excited, but there's so much to plan and prepare for. I want to do this move correctly. No last-minute selling furniture and shipping boxes like how it was in California. I want to start this lease out right. We get the keys on June 20th, so maybe I'll start taking stuff over then and then do the big parental/brother-assisted move on June 25th. I feel like that's a good plan. I'm so excited to start over. I feel like this first year in NYC was not largely successful. I mean, I had some really good moments, but also some negative ones. I've let myself become this hermit and it's not good. I need to get out more. I keep thinking back about how the psychic told me that the hardest part is over and that next year will be 1000x better. I hope she's right. I just want this new apartment to be a new start. Maybe I'll love the place and the area and I'll just open up and blossom and grow to really feel comfortable here.

I just struggle with happiness. How to find it and how to keep it. My moods are so varied it's ridiculous.

I'm thinking about TG a lot. I've missed him so much lately and of course, just as I start to feel this way, he enters into a new relationship. Well, I don't know that he's entered into a new relationship, I just suspect it. It's kind of like how it started with Miss Do-Gooder - some chick posted pictures of him on Facebook. They went to some concert together. I'm proud of myself, though. It's less hurtful than it was with Miss DG. I just wonder when/if he'll tell me. I don't know how I feel about him. I struggle with whether or not I should continue to be friends with him. I can't tell if I get slightly jealous/annoyed when he dates because I have genuine, legitimate feelings for him or if it's because I'm not seeing anyone. I mean, I still have no desire to date anyone else. I really feel solidly, happily single - if that makes sense. I'm content to be alone and don't think I really need to be with somebody at this stage of the game. But, then I think of him and I just feel so connected and safe with him. Maybe seeing him this past June wasn't good because it was so couply and relationship-like. I just don't know how he views me. Am I just a friend that he sleeps with? Or am I somebody that he values more than that? I mean, I guess I don't know what I think of him. I consider him as more than a friend, for sure, because of the sex. I just have no basis of comparison. For most of my friendships with men, I know where I stand because I observe their relationships with other women and can compare how they treat them to how they treat me. That doesn't exist here.

I'm just such a drama queen and I'm always tempted to make some dramatic gesture - ya know, like tell him I don't ever want to speak to him again (which is not true. It breaks my heart to think about never speaking to him again) or confess my feelings of jealousy. Then I wonder if my judgment is clouded because he's the only man who's been in my life for a consistent period of time. He's just always there. Always with links and jokes and advice and funny comments. I'm just not used to feeling this way about a person. It's difficult. I suppose I'll get over it soon.

Then, there's my future. I'm not satisfied with where I am - in my career and my goals. I mean, I want law school so badly, but then I'm like - where should I go? Should I go in NYC? In SF? Somewhere else - DC, Chicago? Where do I really fit in? What would be best for me? I have no clue. I just fear becoming stagnant. Stagnation is a huge issue for me. I've been at my job for almost 2 years and I'm restless. Very restless. But the economy is bad and that scares me and being a poor student scares me, too. I've grown accustomed to money. I like it. I don't really want to give it up, but I know that law school is definitely something I have to do and I don't want to wait too long.

Life is a complicated thing. Yes, indeed.

i'm waiting for my summer vacation.

Seriously. Where is it? I don't know what it is about this year, but I want a real honest-to-God summer break like I've never wanted it before. My parents used to tell me that once you graduate college, life is truly just one workday after another. I'm feeling that right now. It's easy for me to be very active in the morning, but the afternoon comes and I just hit this slump and don't want to do anything.

I'm still trying to get this whole 'life' thing settled. Clearly I'm not doing what I want to be doing because I feel very stagnant. I mean, I love my job in the sense that out of all of the positions open to me at this company, this is the one that fits me best. However, it's not what I want to be doing long-term. I'm trying to motivate myself to apply to school, because I don't think I can deal with another year of stagnation. I wonder where I'll end up next year. I love the Bay Area, but I'm such a New Yorker. I wonder which one will win out. I'm also petrified to ask for teacher recommendations because I'm not one of those girls that's easily remembered by professors. I'm sure they're used to getting tons of requests, though. I have to finish all of that by next week - at least sending out the requests. I've started to brainstorm my personal statement. I don't even know what you're supposed to write in a personal statement. I'm trying to leave race/gender out of it because I don't want to define myself solely in those terms. I'm thinking I'll talk about the blood clot and near-death experiences. I hope it's not too cheesy and/or ridiculous.

My feminist task force meeting got canceled today, so I should have plenty of time to get primped and packed for DC. This weekend is going to be fabulous!

off-kilter.

I have been so freaking off-kilter lately. I'm a fairly together person. Even when I'm falling apart, it's always calculated and controlled. I always manage to get my hysterics in check. I usually freak the fuck out and then get really calm and composed and start to logically think about what I can do to get myself out of whatever bad situation I'm in. I usually don't let it affect my attention to detail or anything. I've been slipping, though. I've screwed up which conference room I'm supposed to go to for meetings, as well as the times. I can't find files on my computer because I can't remember what I've named them. I didn't write a list yesterday and didn't do half of my tasks because I was so tired. I totally forgot about my loan bill - thank GOD I misremembered the date and it's due next week. I'm just completely and totally frazzled, which is not me.

The apartment search is weighing on my mind. I'm so excited to move and get over to the west side and live in an area that I like, but we haven't found anything yet. It's been one dead-end after another. Are we being too picky? I don't know. I just think we work too hard and we make enough money that it doesn't make sense to live somewhere subpar. Roomie is starting to freak, too, which is bad because we can egg each other on with our hysterics. Not a good look.

Then there's work. I have so many data requests and due to my own poor time management due to stress and laziness, I'm properly screwed. I honestly don't know how I'm going to get any of these things done on time. I guess I'll do it because I always do it and things always get done, it's just crazy how much I need to accomplish before I leave on Friday.

this week is not looking good.

Basically, I have no idea how I'm going to survive this week. It just seems like nothing is working out properly. We're still hunting for apartments, with no real prospects in sight. Work is heating up quickly, leaving me with a ton of requests to field as I try to duck out early or in the middle of the day to find a place to live. I'm supposed to go to DC this weekend and I was hoping to take a half-day, but people keep putting meetings on my calendar. Not exactly sure how this is all going to work out.

I'm also trying to squeeze in some fun so I don't kill myself. One of my sorority sisters is in town and hopefully I'll get a chance to hang out with her tonight. Then on Thursday, there's a meeting for the feminist task force (it's another branch of that book club I went to). I really want to attend and learn how I can get involved with some of the initiatives they're spearheading. I'd also like to catch a movie in the city with friends before I head out. So much to do, so little time. Luckily, my room is super-clean and I have minimal laundry, so I think I can afford to spend all this time running around. I'm just hoping I get my work done. My job has been stressing me out like whoa lately, but I'll talk about that some other time.

i am not my hair...

... but maybe I am. I'm going through a hair crisis right now. I go through these fairly periodically (crises, I mean... I'm seemingly always on the edge of insanity). Anyway, I'm not sure what I want to do with my hair. I've gone through a million phases with it - relaxers, braids (my own hair), braids (extensions), mini fro, curl perm. Just about the only things I haven't done are shave it bald or get a weave. I thought I had a really good thing going at this Dominican salon I go to - they relax and style my hair and they get it straighter than I've ever seen before. 

However, I also have this horrible scalp condition that makes my scalp horribly dry and scaly at times. I'm lucky in that I don't have an extreme case of it (seriously, when I google image searched it, I wanted to vomit - thank GOD my scalp doesn't look like that), but it's still a colossal pain in the ass to treat. Namely because most of the treatments require you to wash your hair with this medicated, prescription shampoo every two days. That doesn't sound so horrible, but African-American hair is wayyyy too sensitive to wash that frequently. So, I'm unsure of what to do because sometimes the condition shows up (like now) and sometimes it goes away for months at a time. As most of you know, I chemically relax (straighten) my hair every 6 weeks. I'm sure that that's probably not healthy for my condition, but I haven't been able to find a definitive answer about how great the damage is. I guess what I want to know is what the fuck I can do to keep my hair healthy and happy and not look horrible in the process. 

Sometimes I wish I had some sort of scientific skill because I hate the fact that if you're black, there are so few resources available to you if you have a dermatological problem. Not only do I have this scalp issue, but I have some other hereditary skin problems (biological mother - you were a hot mess, fyi) that I haven't been able to solve. So now, I have to spend precious time hunting down a dermatologist that specializes in black skin care (which I'm sure will be time-consuming and expensive). UGH. I guess for right now, I'm just going to stop relaxing my hair, start using these special tar shampoos and hope for the best with my search. In the meantime, I'll try not to look too beastly.

i live in manhattan and yet i'm never here.

Sad, isn't it? I'm spending another weekend on Long Island - haha. The third weekend in a row. I hereby vow to never go back until Thanksgiving because this is getting ridiculous. Looking forward to the 3-day weekend, though, and spending time with the HSW kids. Party tomorrow night, bbq-ing and fireworks on Saturday. Hopefully, I'll get to see MB since she's visiting New York. This is such a bad weekend for me, but I will make it happen.

Next weekend, I'm going to DC to visit College BFF. I'm super excited because I haven't seen her in ages and I'm really ready to catch up and party with her. We haven't even been talking on the phone as much, so we need to hang out.

After that, though, I think I want to start spending time in Manhattan. I have to check in with my boss, but I'd really like to take summer Fridays as vacation days for the next 6 weeks. That way, I can rest and relax and explore a bit and really get to see New York. I have a sneaking suspicion that this is my last year in New York and I want to enjoy it!

um, actually...

So in a highly amusing turn of events, it doesn't look like we'll be taking the apartment I mentioned earlier. Finally, somebody else's mom freaked out about an apartment! So yeah, J's mom read some pretty bad reviews online and doesn't want us to sign for the place. I'm perfectly happy with that decision, as we have a month to look and I was concerned about the small living room. I e-mailed The Banker, who called me last night to talk about the apartment. He thinks we're crazy for even wanting to live in the FiDi, but he did confirm some of the craziness of the apartment. It was such a mindfuck to talk to him, especially over the phone. He was insanely helpful, though. Honestly - he really didn't need to take the time to call and talk to me and he said he's always available if we have more questions. I guess he's not such an asshole after all. So yeah, back to the drawing board.