In the interim... you can find me at http://justgrowupalready.tumblr.com
FYI.
Saturday, November 23, 2013
Saturday, November 16, 2013
this is the last time...
I am back! Well, I've been back for the past two weeks or so and I've been putting off writing this for a number of reasons. I'm kind of lazy right now - call it the post-vacation doldrums. It's hard to re-enter your real life after taking a voluntary, breathtaking leave of absence from it. Nothing feels the same and yet everything is. It's bizarre. While away, I made the decision to shutter this corner of the internet, where I've written in brutally honest detail for the past 6 years. This blog is SO important to me and always will be - I wrote about my insecurities, my highs, my lows. There were the stories about men and my limited successes and staggeringly large number of failures in the romantic arena. This place is like home to me, but it's time to move it along.
Working where I work and doing what I do, I sometimes felt it was silly to have this kind of stuff up here. I mean, I'm not nearly important enough that I think anyone gives two shits who is in my bed or any of that, but you never know. Mostly, I think I fear meeting someone and having them find out that I spent a ridiculous amount of time detailing in the minutiae of our relationship (and all my relationships) with the great beyond. I already hurt someone like that once and while I have no feelings left for him and no regrets about blogging about him, I've grown a bit since then and I don't know if that's how I want to conduct myself as I look for a life partner.
I'm growing up - I'm changing, I'm refining, I'm redesigning. I'm becoming Cleo 3.0. I tend to view my life in tech terms - there is everything before high school graduation (Beta), there are the Brown years (1.0), and then there's post-Brown (2.0). Now -- I don't know what happens next, but I'm trying to figure it out. The trip was interesting because I didn't think it was important while it was happening. I mean, yes - I loved being abroad and doing what I wanted to do and dealing with loneliness, even embracing loneliness, but I never thought I was having any kind of epiphany or revelation about life. Since I've been back, little nagging things have gotten to me. Do I like my job? I mean, I love events. I know that, but am I where I should be? What is it that moves and drives me? I'm trying to be smarter in my friendships - more giving and more focused on quality and not quantity. I'm trying to grow up and live a more adult existence.
I'm also fascinated with the idea of the Saturn Return, which I'm fast approaching. Per Wikipedia,
I'm going to miss this space, but it's time to move on. Thanks again for reading!
Love always,
Cleo
Working where I work and doing what I do, I sometimes felt it was silly to have this kind of stuff up here. I mean, I'm not nearly important enough that I think anyone gives two shits who is in my bed or any of that, but you never know. Mostly, I think I fear meeting someone and having them find out that I spent a ridiculous amount of time detailing in the minutiae of our relationship (and all my relationships) with the great beyond. I already hurt someone like that once and while I have no feelings left for him and no regrets about blogging about him, I've grown a bit since then and I don't know if that's how I want to conduct myself as I look for a life partner.
I'm growing up - I'm changing, I'm refining, I'm redesigning. I'm becoming Cleo 3.0. I tend to view my life in tech terms - there is everything before high school graduation (Beta), there are the Brown years (1.0), and then there's post-Brown (2.0). Now -- I don't know what happens next, but I'm trying to figure it out. The trip was interesting because I didn't think it was important while it was happening. I mean, yes - I loved being abroad and doing what I wanted to do and dealing with loneliness, even embracing loneliness, but I never thought I was having any kind of epiphany or revelation about life. Since I've been back, little nagging things have gotten to me. Do I like my job? I mean, I love events. I know that, but am I where I should be? What is it that moves and drives me? I'm trying to be smarter in my friendships - more giving and more focused on quality and not quantity. I'm trying to grow up and live a more adult existence.
I'm also fascinated with the idea of the Saturn Return, which I'm fast approaching. Per Wikipedia,
In astrology, especially horoscopic astrology the Saturn return is an astrological transit when a transiting Saturn planet returns to the same point in the sky that it occupied at the moment of a person's birth (natal chart).
Saturn Return is an alleged phenomenon which is described as influencing a person's life development at 27 to 29 or 30-year intervals. It is believed by astrologers that, as Saturn "returns" to the degree in its orbit occupied at the time of birth, a person crosses over a major threshold and enters the next stage of life. With the first Saturn return, a person leaves youth behind and enters adulthood.I feel like it really is time for me to woman up. To step out of childhood and enter adulthood, whatever that means. I'm still deciding what that means for me, but I enjoy asking the question. This space has been life-changing for me, and to anyone who reads this - I just want to thank you for giving me an audience, for commenting and taking the time to read about my life. This blog has brought me more joy than I would have ever thought. It became a truly important part of my life at a time when I was lonely, confused, and needed an outlet. I will probably set up shop somewhere else - in a different format, but I don't know what that looks like yet. I'll be sure to update when I do. I'll retain the pillowtalkisextra@gmail.com address, if you want to be in touch. Still debating how to handle Twitter, but those of you who I follow, I'll add you on my private account if and when I delete the @pillowtkisextra handle.
I'm going to miss this space, but it's time to move on. Thanks again for reading!
Love always,
Cleo
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